Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
