I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
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