my room smells like sperm. sweet.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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