Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
