I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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