Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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