I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
