I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
