dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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