sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
