you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
