This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
