i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
