She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
