Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
