You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
