it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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