Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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