On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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