I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
