But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
