i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
