i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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