She said her name was "party"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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