hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
