I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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