giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
