i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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