I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
