Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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