You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
