the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
