the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
