proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
