4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
