It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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