Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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