Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
