Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
