Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
