I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
