i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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