So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
