You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
