my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
