I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
