my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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