There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
