I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
