dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
