i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
me + whiskey = a bad person
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
