There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
