omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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