so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
