you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
