is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
