its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
please don't ironically join a cult
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